Birthday Blues

So here we go again, time for my yearly "3 days of depression", because the birthday is here. NOT because I am getting older - can't be bothered about that - because I MISS MY FAMILY!!!!!

Every year I go through the same thing. My little one is turning 12 today and her birthday signals the start of my big sulk. Then in 2 days time it is the birth date of my dad , my sister (7 years younger than me) and me. How's that for good planning on mum and dad's side?

They couldn't have guessed at the time that I would be living half a world apart from them in 36 years time. So, for the first 36 years of my life, I was with them on every single one of my birthdays. Even though I have been without them for the last 5 birthdays, it still gets to me. There is no other time or place in my life where I miss them more, than on these few days every year. No matter what I do, or were I am, I feel this big hole in my life and I sulk about all the other things I have to do without.

One of the biggest issues we are facing, is having no extended family near us. The quickest we can get to them is on a 15 hour flight! The kids are growing up without grandparents, without cousins, without aunties and uncles. Even though we see them about once every two years, the bonds have been broken. The kids don't know what they're missing, so they don't even think about it, but I DO!

I love life in our new country and we are safe, the kids have a bright future ahead of them and they will create a new extended family for us in years to come, but I am soooo sad about the things we all miss out on.

Every year I get this angry feeling about the fact that I feel almost driven out of my country of birth. I know we made the choice, and it was the right one for us, but still, if things were different we wouldn't have had to make that choice in the first place! Well, I guess I'll get over this one too.

Teenage girls

How awfully hard it is to sometimes be the mother of a teenage girl.... We've put the boyfriend crisis behind is, just to stumble into another one. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

I have never even considered going on a parenting course, but I am starting to have serious thoughts about that one. I really, really don't need to get tips on how to handle my own 14 year old, but ....

I NEED TO HAVE A QUICK COURSE ON HOW TO HANDLE OTHER MUMS' TEENAGE GIRLS BEFORE I DO SOMETHING IRRESPONSIBLE

This is my easy-going 14 year old girl in a nutshell:

• No slamming of door's ever, and I mean EVER.
  
• No sulking, EVER
• Very happy-go-lucky and easy to get along with
  
• One day PMS every month, which results in her being less chatty and that is ALL
  
• Loves people and makes friends wherever she goes
  

But she has apparently one big flaw...... she doesn't want to get involved in bitchy cat fights between friends. Obviously got some of my genes.... the ones causing me to avoid confrontation.... well that's her... she walks away.

So, while the bitchiness and gossiping is going on, she leaves the group and walks away. Now everyone is fine with that while the fight is on, but as soon as the fight is over, they need something to occupy themselves with, so what do some of them do... turn on her ... because she didn't take sides in the fight.... Oh my goodness... Now it's all about her not contributing to the group.

And all she keeps on saying to me is: "Mum, why are girls so complicated? Boys are so much easier to get along with!" Well, you see, that is exactly why we had the boyfriend issue. Madam realized that it was much easier with a boy as a best friend, but didn't realize how hard it was going to be to keep it from growing into something other than friendship

What advice do I need to give her? I can't tell her to get involved, because, she is actually acting mature by not getting involved, because it is usually about some or other trivial issue not worth getting involved in in the first place. I can't tell her to leave the group, because there are some very nice girls in the group with whom she really are good friends.

It is as if my girl and I are both living in a world we sometimes don't understand.... A lot of the times, I avoid friendship with certain ladies, because of all the emotional stuff I just don't get. And I don't mean straight forward issues and hang ups, I mean the extreme sensitivity of some women. I do things wrong, without even noticing. But, it is easy for me, I don't need to be part of a group, and I can choose who I want to be friends with, but not her. The whole social scene at school is group orientated, and even if she doesn't need a group (which she doesn't), she has to be part of one to survive high school. Don't get me wrong, she operates well within a group, as long as she is allowed to not always get involved, which se isn't :-(

I just hope that things will get easier as all the girls mature and grow up. This mum is just not equipped to handle these situations, because quite frankly, this mum doesn't GET IT.

Mothers-in-law are great.........

.......................when they are on the other side of our planet, like mine!

We have decided to send a digital photo frame, with about 300 photos on the memory card, to each side of the family when friends of us recently went over for a visit. What do you think was my dear mother-in-law's first words... oh well, I should be honest.... first words after "Thank you" ? Oh wait, let me first say, she hasn't seen me in 3 years. Anyway, the 2nd thing she said:

"The girls are growing up, and your belly is getting bigger by the day"

I was gobsmacked. This coming from a very 'sensitive' lady who can get all worked up if you just look at her the wrong way. I was flabbergasted and couldn't even get any words out. She quickly moved on to the next subject, leaving me lost for words for the next 10 minutes.

And then I suddenly thought of what I could have said. Phrases popped up in my mind:
"It will probably keep growing as I am getting older mommy dearest, as you would know"

or

"I wonder if my arms will also go the way yours are going, like my tummy"

or

"Yes, isn't it funny that we aren't even related"

Why, oh why can't I ever think of nasty things to say when I really need to???? I am forever shying away from confrontation and the only times in my life where I have wished to be different was when I had to hold my own in a conversation with a nasty person.

Now let me explain to you: I am 167cm tall, weigh 58kg, have been wearing the same clothes (chuckle., chuckle... size)for the past 8 years. I am not sensitive at all, but I am wondering where on earth she got that from....... And why would you say something like that to ANYONE?!!! The sad thing is that she really likes me and sees me as her daughter - hubby is one of two boys.

I don't know, but it feels as if this feeling she has had for more than 25 years now, the feeling of me 'stealing' her boy from her, still rears its ugly head from time to time. Years ago, when I was only sixteen, I felt as if I was in constant competition with her when it comes to her first born. The battle (only in her mind) has been won by me, probably 23 years ago, but she still can't accept it and these little nasty things get thrown at me from time to time.

I guess there is always something to be thankful for - the fact that I have hubby on my side. He thinks his mum is crazy sometimes and she manages to push his wrong buttons from time to time as well. There is never a question about where his loyalty lies.

I should probably just shut up and be very glad she is on another continent!

New friendships, old friendships....

A lot of effort has gone into the building and rebuilding of friendships in our house this week. So, I guess I don't have much to poop about today.

Hmmm... maybe about how hard it is to have three nearly 12 year old giggling girls over for a sleepover in the middle of the week when hubby has to go to work the next morning. Guess who cops it all? ME. I get to prepare the beds and clear up the next morning, I get to prepare three healthy meals, because I don't want these girls to tell their parents they got junk food at our house :-) Oh and all these different cultures thrown together - one girl is South African, the other one Greek (born in Australia, Greek parents), one true blue, second generation, Australian (with Russian grandparents) and one half Dutch, half Chinese . That's Australia for you mate - the true rainbow nation. Anyway, I get to do the extra dishes, but worst of all...... I have to listen to hubby's complaints when the girls don't quiet down before 1 am... and oh my, the next morning...... grumpy, grumpy, grumpy. AND after work the next day grumpier, grumpier, grumpier. Well, the mood can only get better from today onwards..... I hope... it won't take him more than one good night's sleep to recover, would it? Is it only in this country that sleepovers are so popular, or does it happen all over the world??? I HATE sleepovers, no, that is incorrect... I HATE sleepovers at my house.

Because of the lack of technology in the 14 year old's life, it was back to the good old phone (we wanted to take that away as well, but were unable to find carrier pigeons on short notice). Isn't that just great? I reckon we might have this break away from technology as a regular occurrence in our house. Suddenly 'we' had to fall back on good old communication skills, because LOL, LMAO, BIFFL and LYLAB just don't do it on the phone. She has some friends with very conservative parents - funny religious affiliation. These friends are not allowed to have mobile phones, boyfriends, MSNs, Facebooks and Myspaces before the age of 16. Well, sorry darling, but I am starting to see the value of that. So madam has used the phone to organize a rollerblading session for today. She is so proud of herself for arranging a social activity with JUST A PHONE....

Because of all the ups and downs in my life, thanks to the girls, I didn't get much time for my friends this week - which are all relatively new by the way, because we've only been in this country for 5 years......that's another story. But, I'm proud to say that I have picked up some very old friendships (27 years... phew!!!) and I am sooo glad to have some people back in my life ;-)

No BOYFRIEND anymore

Well, well, well....... it happened.....she broke up with THE BOYFRIEND. What a cruel world this is..... Yes, my poor 14yrs and 3mnths old girl, had to learn that life is tough.

Shhh, I think my talk might have something to do with the break up. She said to me that she thought (before our talk) that there might have been something wrong with her for feeling trapped in this serious relationship this young. Because of our TALK she realized that there's nothing wrong with her, it is too serious for her to handle now. I told her that it is a very mature decision to make and that it might not be easy to do.

Well, she told him on Monday (two weeks ago) that she needed a break, but that she likes him a lot and wants them to be friends like they were about six months ago... hmmm Mommy is wondering.... what does THAT MEAN?!!!!! You're more than friends now... what did you doooooo???? This is all good in a dream world, but in reality.... he was furious.

The text messages started coming through straight after school on Monday - from every Tom, Dick, Harry and their brothers. All his friends were on her for breaking up. I felt like screaming obscenities, because, after all THEY ARE ONLY 14

She was 'called over' by his 16 year old sister and her friends during lunch. She obviously ignored them and stayed away, but still, the stress was almost unbearable. So, Tuesday back to school - more of the same bullying and trying to stay out of the way of 16 year olds. Tuesday night came and we had a massive break down at home.

She cried non-stop for two hours... and my girl is NO drama queen. She almost never cries... a very happy go lucky bubbly girl. I tried to make it clear that she feels like this because of all the stress and because she misses his attention, but I couldn't calm her down for two hours. Have to say she felt better afterwards.

School broke up for a two week holiday on the Friday, which is a big help and I just hope everything will have calmed down when she goes back.

We are now 2 weeks down the line and school starts again on Monday. She is still very vulnerable, like she has never been before, but she'll be okay.

I am very concerned for all teenagers, because of the age we live in. In our days, we went home after a fight at school. Now there's just no getting away from it all. It is mobile phones, MSN, Facebook, Myspace and whatever else. We decided to take all technology away this week, just to save her from it all.

I have aged 20 years over the last two week... No poop on my shoes.... I fell with my face in it.